GET THE BOOBS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

Before I say anything else, let me say this. If you have actual, human, woman boobs in your mouth… Keep that shit up! You do you boo boo. I was not referring to those. Aside from that, if you read that title and immediately thought of a scene in Major Payne then you’re already on the right track. But before we continue allow me to welcome you all back to the Cannibal Corner! I know I’ve been gone for a good long while and I’d like to apologize. So here we go…. *ahem*…. Go screw yourself, You don’t know my life! I’ll be gone as long as I want! Now back to the topic at hand.

Allow me to preface this by saying that most of my news and social information comes from Facebook and other such outlets. I use “other such” to indicate that I have multiple means of news and information… but I don’t. Marching on! Is anybody else tired of everybody being so damn offended at everything? Oh you’re not? well uh…. oh! you think they’re entirely justified in being offended because words have meaning and can hurt people?… um…. This entry isn’t for you… I mean, it is, but you’re gonna be offended here pretty quick so um… You might wanna bail, like, nowish. No it’s cool! I understand. I’ll just wait a sec….. Ok, now that they’re gone we can continue. Is it just me or does it seem like everyday people are finding new things to be offended about? Like, seriously, how can people get anything done with all the time they spend being butthurt?

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Ooooooooh That’s how they do it.

With all the ways to be offended, I’m almost impressed. Think about it! People are getting offended over things that don’t even offend them. They’re getting offended because it MIGHT offend someone else! Is that kind of like sympathy pains or something? Or are they trying to say that the truly offended parties aren’t capable of being offended hard enough so they need to step in and crank up the crying? At any rate, I could sit here all night and caterwaul about all the various things that people are being offended about but instead I think I’ll just hit the biggest one…. Words. You got it! Words have apparently evolved into poison dipped, butt seeking ninja star bombs in the last few years. Too descriptive you might say? Just descriptive enough I retort. I remember hearing on a regular basis (Seriously, I’m pretty sure I hear it more often then 1930’s German kids heard Hitler speeches over the radio) “Sticks and stones may break my bone but words will never hurt me”. Now granted, I also heard a lot of other things like “Mercury won’t hurt you” but that’s beside the point.

I saw a picture today that I have seen a few variations of at this point. I couldn’t find it to post it here but I’ll just type out what it says. YES you’ll understand everything about the picture because it was all words… Jeez, I leave for almost a year and you people get all impatient and mess… Anyways, it said “At 18 years of age, Spartans were already the most highly skilled soldiers of their time, ready to kill and die to defend their homes.

At 18 years of age, Aztecs were skilled in attacking and abducting their enemies so their still beating hearts could be ripped from their chest to appease the gods.

At 18 years of age the American adolescent is highly skill in the art of whining and crying because words hurt.” Now I’m not saying that the Spartans and Aztecs had everything figured out. All I’m saying is that ripping people’s hearts out to appease the gods could do this country some good… Wait, that’s not what I’m saying… I mean… It might not hurt to give it a shot, no no no. Definitely not going to condone that…. on the internet…. But I will say that drinking from the skulls of our enemies…. That’s definitely something to look into. Back on point though. When did we as a society stop having enough crap to worry about? When did the concern shift from making sure our children didn’t die from lead paint, spontaneous combustion, watermelons growing in your stomach from swallowing the seeds, your face sticking from making silly faces and razor  blades in candy to words being deadly, invisible death rays?

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RUN BITCH! THEY’RE GONNA GITCHA!!!!

I was pondering this and I think I have come to a bit of a conclusion. We don’t fight enough anymore. I know, I know, fighting doesn’t solve anything you say, shut up! As I blatantly put earlier, I saw that picture (that I so expertly described to you) on Facebook. And someone who shall not be named (his name is lemongrass Benedict esq… Not really, but you don’t need to know, so stuff it) commented that there is no longer a “free speech alley” at a particular college anymore. Now I never got the full story as to whether that means that you can’t speak freely anywhere on campus or they expanded it so everywhere is free speechyness, but it doesn’t matter. I was thinking about that “free speech alley” and though to myself “That could be cool. Just a place for people to go and let out all their hateful, terrible words.” Then I thought “Oh crap… what if like, there was a white supremacist there and they were just yelling at black people. Then the black people got pissed and started yelling back and forth.” Then I thought “Well if people don’t like what’s being said, then they could just leave the area.” That spurred a few other thoughts but it ended up at the thought “What if person x just followed people around spouting terrible, hateful shit at them?” And you wanna know what my ultimate thought was? “Knock the shit out of him!”

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Say it again ol folded faced BIIIITCH!!

At that moment, it hit me with full force. The main problem with America is that we simply don’t fight enough anymore. People aren’t afraid of saying anything they want and instead of fighting it out like our natural instincts want, we’ve been trying to legislate crap away. Bullies will be bullies until they get stood up to.  But not to go too far down the rabbit hole of bully tactics can we just agree that words are just words? They only have as much power as you allow them to have. For instance, I’m overweight, if someone calls me fat…. IT’S TRUE! I can’t argue with it. I could be offended but that’s pushing responsibility away from where it should be… me. So ya know what I do when someone calls me fat, or anything unfriendly? I stare at them awkwardly for as long as they’ll stand it.  Then just about when they can’t take it anymore I’ll say something like “I don’t care”. Simple as that. Because I’m a big boy with more important things to worry about than those scary, soul ripping, life ending words.

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Yeah… that’s the face

Though I don’t think it’s this generation’s fault for being so easily hurt by invisible, verbiage missiles. I blame the parents… You got it! The parents. It’s the job of the parents to tell the kids to get over it when they come in all snot nosed crying over little Billy calling them stupid. So if you’re a parent listen up! It’s YOUR job to tell your kids to get over it… If it’s not deadly and bones aren’t sticking out… Get over it. Plain and simple. Carry on, I’ll update again when I feel like it,