STOP GIVING ME WHAT I WANT!!!!

So I’ve been doing a bit of looking about on the interwebs and found many a videos, articles and blurbs on feminism. Now I generally try to stay out of topics like this because I’m not terribly fond of angry mobs storming my home with pitch forks and whatnot. But I just can’t stay silent anymore. Mainly out of confusion and I’ll freely admit that. I believe that I have found a drastic discrepancy within the feminist logic and the general woman logic. Don’t get me wrong, I see TOOOONS of discrepancies but I’ll focus on just one for the time being.

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Uuuuuum.... suuuure

So there’s been a development in the realm of what’s considered “sexual harassment”. Now they say that even looking at a woman can be considered sexual harassment. I assume that hopefully when they say “looking at a woman” they are referring to obviously ogling them and having the mind sex all over their lady bits.

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Ooooooo so sexy

But who’s to say what a person is doing in their head? Hell, I don’t even know what I’m doing in my own head. So it’s all left up to this vague, gazee’s  (is that a word?  It should be. Sounds like a LGBT rapper) personal opinion of what they THOUGHT you meant by your look. So is everyone supposed to just walk around staring at various inanimate objects in fear of mistakenly eye smooching some poor lady’s booty hole? Seems a bit unreasonable. But then there’s another side to this social situation (oh yeah. It’s getting real up in this B).

I can’t  tell you how many memes, articles, blurbs, notes, billboards, carrier puffins, message lizards… you get the point, that say things to the effect of “we women just want a man who looks at us longingly so we feel loved and wanted”

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Yes, I’m aware that you don’t want every single guy ever to be staring at you constantly. But here’s the thing… we have no idea if you’re with someone or not. So we don’t know if that “stare at girlfriend longingly” position has been filled. We also don’t know if we would fit your specific skill requirements needed to even get past the first round of applications for said position. Just to be clear, I’m using “we” as in males in general. So it seems as if you want the affection and attention of males… but only from specific ones… that fit these criteria…. that are different for each woman (my autocorrect tried to make that last woman say wombat lol)… that we have no clue of. Boy oh boy! What a wonderful game of social Russian Roulette! Come play, where any wrong glance can ruin your life and prospects of employment! And if you pass that round and find a girl that likes the way you drag your eyes along her body, you get to play a totally separate game called “is she a crazy bitch that will stab your dog and burn your house down” the ratings are going to be astronomical!!!!!

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Have fun Johnny!

Now at this point you may be saying “well then leave them alone” or “women don’t actually want that” or “five guys burgers are better than your mom’s face” to which I say, five guys burgers are, I assume, more delicious than any person’s face. But that isn’t the topic at hand, so you should leave now. On to the other two relevant points. I have also seen literally THOUSANDS of pictures, memes… (you know where this is going) posted by women that say things to the effect of “why won’t guy X just come up and talk to me? I’m so crazy about him but I want him to make the first move” or “guys, if you like a girl then just go up to her and say hello. We won’t bite tee hee hee *unicorn fart* *rainbow shoots out of my spanks*”

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...... yep

Is anyone else seeing the logic flaw here?  How in the dusty eff are we supposed to know which female you are? Do you want looks?  Do you not want looks?  Do you want looks but only from this guy over there? Is everybody a rapist to you? The hell is going on here?!

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So I have potentially come up with a solution. And seeing as how there’s multiple types of people, there are multiple solutions. So women, please refer to the crudely made chart below.

Do you think everyone is a rapist? Stop it, you’re being dumb
Do you want to be looked at by guys and find it flattering? Congrats! Carry along
Do you not like being looked at by people in public? Its uncomfortable, I know. But it’s public…  get over it, people look at stuff.
Do you want to be looked at but only by specific people and everyone else is a creepy rapist?  Stab yourself, you’re an idiot.

I hope this clears things up. Or at least brings to light what a ridiculous cluster f*^k the situation is. Hope you all have a lovely day playing the great social game of mine sweeper out there!

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