STAB THE CHILDREN!!!!!! (or not, your choice)

As the title would lead you to believe we are, in fact, stabbing children. To be specific, small children. Not like 13-18, well maybe them too. Who knows right? I mean, stabbing children can be useful and even good for them. Well… some say stabbing children is bad for them. So some say stab all the kids as many as you can! While others say “Oh no!!! don’t stab the children!!! they’re tiny bodies!” Alright maybe not the tiny bodies bit but you get the idea. HEY!! I see you slowly reaching for your phone to call the cops on me. Don’t try to pull back now, I already saw it! Well yeah this topic sounds pretty morbid and awful… true, dead children is a terrible thing, wait… dead children? NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! vaccines!! Stab the children with vaccines! My goodness! Of course plunging a blade into a child is totes terribleez! Don’t do that. I would assume that somewhere suspiciously close to 99.9999% of people would agree that giving a child a pokey-punch all up a kid’s innards is quite possibly one of the most disgusting things ever… EVAR!!! What’s that? the .0001%? Oh, well I don’t personally know EVERYBODY’S feelings on the matter, gotta leave a little room for the weirdos and… never mind. Back to the topic at hand.

Giving kids vaccines. Is it a good idea or a bad idea? Well I already have a kid who has been vaccinated and one still on the assembly line. So some might say that I’m pro-stabbing… I mean vaccines. Pro-vaccines. When our son was born (me and my wife… not you and me… weirdo) he got his shots, sort of like a puppy of sorts. They pulled him out, slapped his ass and gave him a good sta…. vaccine cocktail, then tossed him over in a “hope you can catch” kind of way. Well it may seem weird to you but we do things differently where I’m from. That’s not legal anywhere…? Oh dear… so $20 for a birthing fee on the back docks of Walmart sounds sketchy? I knew I should have scheduled with the guy at Target… MUCH nicer facilities! Now that you mention it the guy did smell like gin and regret.

on the weekends he's a WIZARD!!!

on the weekends he’s a WIZARD!!!

But going back to the original topic, yes our son was not born at walmart, he was born in a hospital, by smart people who do that sort of crap every day in a very professional manner… sort of, but that’s a topic for another day. Yes I knwo that’s not the “original” topic but I had to clear that up first. ANY WAYS!!! Yes our son was vaccinated. Not because I love pumping chemicals and viruses into my son’s body, but we were told that (A) it was good for him and (B) he needed them to be able to go to school. So we did it. I trusted the doctors who do that kind of crap every day and all was well. Besides! I had my shots and I turned out…. well never mind that. Now he’s all grown up to the ripe old age of 7 (don’t tell me he’s not ripe, apples only take one year… ONE!!! He’s seven times riper than an apple so BLEH!!). 

The reason I picked this topic is because I’ve been seeing this topic flare up from time to time on my super awesome news feeds that certainly don’t come from facebook and other pass-by media….. ok it mostly is. But there was a news article in there somewhere so i’m a pseudo-expert-ish-type person. The main argument I hear is the fact that the vaccines have a ton (can you really fit a ton of anything in a syringe…? just asking) of chemicals in them that could be harmful to people, children in particular. I’ve also heard the argument that vaccines cause autism. On that note, I did a bit of research and found that roughly less than 1% of children ages 0-17 have NOT been vaccinated. Another quick search revealed that there are roughly 68.6 million children in the us this year in that age range. ANOTHER  quick search found that 1 in 88 children in the US are born with Autism. For those of you who are afraid of google or are terrible at math, that’s .01 with a few other numbers in there. So, of the 68.6 million children, roughly 1% are born with autism and 1% are NOT vaccinated. so the SAME number of children who are NOT vaccinated to children born with autism. Now i’m not saying that every non-vaccinated kid has autism. I’m just saying that the numbers don’t really help that case. 

The other case is that the chemicals and junk are terribleez (I like that word… terribleez… Just rolls off the tongue). Now I will admit that in most cases, random chemicals inside your body is a bad thing. BUT!!! These are no ordinary random chemicals. These are carefully selected random chemicals. “But carefully selected means that they aren’t random anymore…” SHUT YOUR FACE AND PAY ATTENTION!! Now I ask you this. What are two of the most deadly natural, non-radioactive elements? You may say “a lot of them” but that just shows that you’re not seeing where I’m going with this and should be quite and pay attention. The answer is Sodium and chlorine. Some of you may have already heard this argument raging on the interwebs (I just found out about it and I’m too far into tho turn back now) and rolling your eyes and saying “god not again!!!” but too bad, or you can skip ahead until I type in all caps “squiggly beard”. Then you’ll know it’s safe to return without being bothered by that old sodium and chlorine mess. As I was saying… what’s that? Am I going to really type that… not sure… It was pretty fun to type the first time. And think of the glory when it’s in all caps. Yelled out to bounce to and fro in the blog-o-sphere. Anyways, back on point. Sodium is a terribly deadly metal. It literally tries to explode when is contacts water…. really cool stuff. On the other hand, chlorine is another awfully deadly gas that will do everything in it’s power to kill every cell in your body. Just thought I would mention that chlorine has a super power… it has the ability to kill every cell it comes in contact with, and it can’t turn that off… so have fun with that. SO!! you take those two deadly monsters and you staple em together in sausage casing, shrink em down to minuscule particles, turn them into crystals and BAM!!! sodium chloride. Some of you may be thinking “that sounds familiar… where have I heard that before?” The answer (hopefully) is science class. Because sodium chloride is in fact also know as (AKA) salt… Yep, table salt. Two of the most deadly elements put together makes up something that your body NEEDS in order to function. Granted, too much salt is bad, but too much light is bad, too much water is bad, so on and so forth, clamp that noise making face hole shut. Moving on, some common chemicals in vaccines are Mercury (although it’s TECHNICALLY methylmurcury which is, not so good for you. Although it doesn’t stick around forever and it’s countered by omega-3 type fatty acids that are in a ton of things you eat all the time), ammonium sulphate (a salt that it deemed safe to consume by the FDA and the European FDA-type thing. It’s in flour and all kinds of stuff) and some other stuff and of course virus’, particularly the ones they’re trying to vaccinate you from. So if it’s a flu vaccine, it’s got the flu in it. granted, extremely weak and sometimes dead flu, but flu non the less.


(that WAS fun) If you’e just returning… you might want to read the last little bit from the above paragraph. It’s ok I’ll wait….. No! We’re waiting…. just be patient. Back? Awesome! Let’s continue. So the thing many people are freaking out about are these chemicals. The thing is, some of the more scary one like methyl mercury and thimerosal haven’t been used since 2002 (as told by a quick search) and the ones they use now? For instance you’e allowed up to 1g of Streptomycin a day (not of each and every chemical, but that’s an average). The amount you get in a vaccine? Lets put it this way. All of the vaccines that a person will take in they’re life will total far less than…. 1g. So when they say “trace amounts” what they’re really saying is “we have to tell you it’s in here by law but in all reality, you’ll probably lick more of it out of a hooker’s crack than you will get from this”. don’t look hooker ass? It’s ok, I don’t either. How about… “you’ll probably eat more of it from just randomly touching stuff and touching your mouth thorough your life than you’ll get from these” Better? Good, let’s move on.

want some streptomycin honey?

want some streptomycin honey?


On to the the whole “there’s virus’ in vaccines”. It’s not really a big issue, but I decided to touch on it anyways. The fact that they are “virus'” in the vaccine is the EXACT reason it’s a vaccine! If it didn’t have them in there, it would just be some weird, not-so helpful shot of preservatives and stabilizers. Basically, it’s the medical world’s version of playing that really crappy team in town at football BEFORE the real season starts, just to make sure the team has all the kinks worked out. Yes, that crappy team can TECHNICALLY show you up or give you a few problems, but when you start playing those good teams, you’re ready. Yeah… it’s pretty much like that. your body kicks the crap out of the weaker, less-effective virus, so when you get exposed to the real deal, your body is all “PSHHH!!! I got this.” And then goes all BLAM POW THWACK like an awful 60’s batman cartoon or something.

JUST like that

JUST like that

so you’re welcome world, stop being scared of needs and take the shots.


Or don’t, It’s no big deal to me. Though I would like to know your thoughts. What do you think? Do you think I’m way off base and vaccines are just the government’s way of keeping us dumb, sterile and addicted to toddlers and tiaras? Or are they a good thing that help keep us safe and help the US stay as the country that has pretty much killed all of the virus’/diseases if it weren’t for those no-good, foot dragging louses in the rest of the world? Leave a comment and let me know. Also, be sure to subscribe and join the tiny (albeit hungry) tribe!

One last note, the Cannibal Corner has reached over 20 Followers!!! WOOT WOOT! I know, it’s not really a big deal but i’m excited! So keep on keeping on and have a good one.


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