I’m going to be a dad (again)

Well hello again friends. It’s been, oh I’d say about a week since my last update. I say that because it has in fact been a week since my last update. “But Cannibal, it’s been like a week and a day since you up…” SHUT UP I KNOW! Geez, people around here, am I right? At any rate, I hope you can guess what this blog post is going to be about. What? mystical artifact? Yes, I found an ancient artifact that will grant it’s possessor mighty and magical powers. You want to know where to find one too? Well you must go on an arduous quest that will take you through the weeping cavers of Balorn Guhl. Then you must proceed to the desolate castle of Armand Ganesh. There you must complete the vampire’s test and become the leader of an indigenous peoples. THEN my friend, they will take you to the hollowed trunk of the speaking willow. Inside you will be asked 3 questions. Answer wrong and you will be pulled down into the roots to be devoured for a thousand years. Answer correctly and you will be given the magical artifact you seek. What? The answers to the questions? I DON’T KNOW, THEY CHANGE EVERY TIME!! Now shoo SHOO! Whew! Now that they’re gone we can continue.

I'm sure he'll figure it out.

I’m sure he’ll figure it out.

To the original point, I found out suspiciously close to a week ago that My wife is pregnant with our second child. Some of you may be a bit smarter than the last fellow who interrupted and be thinking “But aren’t you gone for 2 weeks at a time?” and the answer is yes. Then you may continue with “So doesn’t that give you two pretty small windows of opportunity?” Again yes. “So is it possible that she….” I will stab you in the neck with a blunt object if you continue that train of thought. “Sounds good, continue please.” thank you. So yes, I am only home 1 out of 3 weeks, so that in turn put a bit of a scheduling kink in the process. Also add on that there were a couple medical issues rearing their stupid heads for 7 years that made getting pregnant nearly impossible… we had a challenge in front of us. A daunting, hellish, expensive challenge ahead of us. If you want to know how expensive, I will honestly tell you I have no idea how much money we spent trying to get things straightened out. It’s been so much over 7 years with doctor visits, missing work, ER visits, various medications, a couple surgeries and a barrel of procedures that I literally have no idea how much it has cost us. I can only assume it’s been in the tens of thousands. And it was ALL worth it. Though as expensive as it’s been, the cost doesn’t even compare to the emotional cost we paid. Seeing couple after couple get pregnant without the slightest of problems. A couple friends that had the same “issue” getting pregnant all willy nilly, multiple times (each)…. It takes a hard toll. Seeing all of that going on and just wanting one more child. It’s hard. It strained our marriage in multiple ways for years but now we finally have the results we have been hoping for! I’m going to be a DAD…. again. Yeah, we already had one kid and he’s amazballs. Though now we will have two (or maybe more, who knows, twins sneak up in both sides of the family) and I have to sat I uber stoked. I’m so looking forward to holding that baby against my chest that I can barely wait. Just to hear it breathe, see it’s face and feel it’s tiny hands in mine…. WHEW!!! chills. anyways, The fact that this is even happening kind of makes me wish for a boy. Not because I’m a terrible person, but because i’m a child at heart and want to tell everyone the tale of my newest son squiggling his way through the perils and death traps to the ultimate prize. dragging his other half from the bowels of my wife’s innards and marching towards their new home where they would merge into one and defeat the dragon of doubt that laid coiled in the womb all these years. And for that reason I will hereby refer to my “bits” as the thunder rod. “Ew, Cannibal. why would you call it that?” Because Thunder rod sounds badass and those bits ARE badass, ergo, thunder rod. So now that that’s out of the way, I think we can all move on with our lives.

Don’t worry, I won’t be filling this blog up with random posts of BS pregnancy stuff. There won’t be any blogs on “unborn baby farts”……… ok maybe that one, cause who doesn’t want to hear about unborn baby farts? Anyways, the posts will continue more along my usual “style”. So have a good one guys and gals. Go ahead and if you wouldn’t mind stabbing that follow button/link/portal to the dark dimension and join the tribe. Also, tell your friends about this lovely place. We have brownies!! or is it meat pies….? ANYWHO, we have tasty things! Bye yal!



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