The lie of Disney (and pretty much every other video media)

Well I’m back from my week off and I gotta tell ya… I feel pretty good. Well, not EXACTLY good, I am back in the oilfield for 2 weeks of not seeing my family and eating mancamp food (mancamp food….  gives you the eeby jeebies sometimes). At any rate, While I was gone I had a few ideas of what to talk about upon my glorious return (and it shall be glorious, for it is written). After shuffling through some thoughts and trying to figure out which idea I was going to write about…. it hit me. NONE of the topics would be discussed! That’s right, I’m sticking to my style (is it too early to call it a style?) and winging it due to something that grabs my attention. Now keep in mind, that I’ve had this thought for a few years now, but every time I see it in practice it enrages me all over again. So without further ado, let us begin.

As you may have guessed from the title, I’m unhappy with Disney and pretty much every other form of video media in this country (this country being America of course). “Why is that Cannibal?” You may ask. The answer, in short, is quit simple. Because they portray adults (particularly men) as blundering idiots. Now I’m not saying that men are mentally superior or the greatest thing since sliced bread (little factoid, Betty White IS older than sliced bread). I’m just saying that (according to census information) men are the main breadwinners in 60% of US households. Now factoring in the single people (being fair at 50/50 men women) that means that men provide for 80% of all homes in the US, and somehow, according to Disney, we’re all bafoons.

Like this typical Disney family from the show "Dog with a Blog"

Like this typical Disney family from the show “Dog with a Blog”

In episode after episode (movie after movie) children are out-smarting their parents, pulling the wool over their parents eyes without the slightest of effort. Somehow sneak an elephant out of the zoo in broad daylight past all those cameras and security guards? No problem!! Just calmly walk it through town with a towel over it’s head, no one will be the wiser. Then cram it up 20 flights of stairs right past a few more cameras and another numb skull security guard into your 5 bedroom apartment/loft/multi-million dollar evil genius lab your folks don’t know they paid for. Oh darn! You’re parents just showed up, what do you do? Just toss a towel over it’s head and when it blows it’s trumpet face just pretend you yawned REALLY hard… BAM! Problem solved.

No one suspects a thing!

No one suspects a thing!

Of course a few seconds later your parents will be called away because they left their pants in the coffee maker at the office, TOTAL VICTORY!!!! Now you just have to sell it to the unscrupulous looking fellow down the way for a set of tickets to the Five Bieber Directions boy band concert because you saw senior sexy-brows’ face in your WACKY uber-cheese burgereeto you made this morning for breakfast and just HAAAAAAAAAAAAD to go.

Those are tickets not sex toys pervert

Those are tickets not sex toys pervert

Although I will concede that in some cases, the parents will show up at the end of the episode with a few words of wisdom like “Selling elephants to guys standing outside a canned meat factory is a bad idea.” Accompanied by one of those “but I’m not going to do squat about it” kind of smirks. The kid usually agrees half-hardheartedly and then falls asleep without a care in the world, just to do something else dumb the next day.  Although, nowadays those moments are becoming less and less. The lessons are being taught by talking animals or another brilliant 13 year old who has the world totally figured out. I’d love to see a show that has the kid ask for something, the parent tell them no, then the kid try to go ahead and do it anyway. But the parents have already out-smarted the foolish children (ya know… because they did similar dumb stuff in their childhood and remembered it). The parents lay in wait and just when the kids are about to do the deed, the parents bust em, whoop their ass and literally throw them into the car and drive home where the beatings would continue.

What was that? Mr. Craftsman couldn't hear you.

What was that? Mr. Craftsman couldn’t hear you.

Well I believe I’ve said enough on that subject (for now…..). I still have a few other ideas I can post about. How about we do this? I’ll put a few possible post topics up and you all just leave a comment/reply/whatever as to what you’d like to read about next. Here they are.

This is why I’m fat: a delve into my wife’s cooking

tips vs service: and their implications

cold stone hair eatery

Like I said, just leave a comment or reply letting me know which topic you’d like me to post about next (otherwise who knows what will be next). As always, thanks for reading. Smack that follow button and join the tribe!


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